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“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but it is too low and we reach it.” – Michelangelo

Happy New Year 2012! Being a life coach whose work deals often with strategic goal setting, many people ask me, “How do you feel about New Year’s resolutions?” And my answer is: “I don’t recommend them.”

Surprised? Don’t be. Here’s why I oppose New Year’s resolutions:

-Resolutions are chock full of unhelpful emotions like obligation, guilt and shame.

Well-set goals motivate you and pull you forward; you are excited about the prospect of reaching them. I want you to feel good about yourself rather than beating yourself up. They usually entail adding something to your life (freedom, creativity, connection) as opposed to removing something.

-Resolutions are piecemeal.

I prefer to encourage you to take an overall look at your entire life not just one piece or another. To do this, reflect on your past year’s successes, then take a look into the New Year ahead and assess what you really want to add to different areas of your life.

-Resolutions are short lived.

Studies show most people start their resolutions with determination and grit on Jan. 1 and burn out by Feb. 1 (90% burnout in some cases). I would rather you use January for planning and don’t take action until Feb 1^st. That will enforce some strategic reflection, caution, and thoughtfulness.  This will also avoid any knee-jerk resolutions related to the overindulgence of the holidays and give a better chance of maintaining your plans by checking-in and adjusting as you move through the year. This way you create slow and steady momentum and progress.

-Resolutions are short sighted.

Most resolutions are often short term and immediate – get my house organized, lose weight or exercise more. Goals are far more effective when they relate to a bigger picture – a roadmap toward a better life. What is the reason you wish to de-clutter, diet, or exercise more? If the larger goal is to feel better about your living space, yourself or your health, you can have a more comprehensive and strategic conversation that is ultimately more effective.

This is your life. 2011 is one more year behind you. Don’t wake up in January 2013 making the same resolutions as this year. Start with some thoughtful planning instead. You will be much more motivated and produce real, long lasting results.

To a great year!

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So I admit it, I’m one of those people who listen to the all-Christmas music radio stations this time of year. I love the classic old-time melodies that bring me back to my childhood. I also enjoy the newer songs that come about every now and then (the mix of 12 Days of Christmas & Toto’s Africa is an all-time favorite for me by the men’s a cappella group, Straight No Chaser, see them perform is live on video here!) and the other day I heard a popular song called My Grown-Up Christmas List about the hope for peace in our hearts and in our world.

The title of the song got me thinking about Christmas lists. When I was a child my family did not make Christmas lists, we were more of the ‘you get what you get and your grateful’ tradition. I always thought it a bit obnoxious that my friends made lists of things they wanted.  Of course, I was also secretly jealous. Now that I am parent myself, I can appreciate the idea of a letter to Santa or some form of a list (even one mentioned out loud on Santa’s lap) so I will know for certain what will make my little ones eyes light up on Christmas morning. Heck, what is being a parent all about if not reveling in the ability to sometimes make little dreams come true?

Having said that, I did tell my children (age 3 and 5) that they are only allowed to ask Santa for at most 3 items which they really, really want and then Santa decides what (or if) they receive anything beyond that. I wanted to be sure they respected Santa’s need to provide for millions of children around the globe and that, naturally, there are weight limitations on his sleigh,  so we have to be fair to everyone.

My musings about Christmas lists got me wondering, as a parent & life coach, what kind of Christmas list tradition did I want to create with my children? What came to me follows. It is equally applicable to kids of all ages –  including us grown up kids who remain young at heart.

It works something like this, give this blank list to your kids, along with a cup of hot chocolate, and ask them to complete the whole thing  - no exceptions! If your kids are too small for that (like mine), sit with them and fill it out together. If you don’t have kids, do it yourself or with a spouse, partner or friend. Feel free to play with the items or  add your own to make it unique to your family values.

For my Jewish friends, this practice can be easily adapted into the Channukah festival of lights. For those of you celebrating Kwanzaa, this list can add to your year-end gift giving tradition. The point is for everyone to feel good about proud moments, design a little personal growth stretch for the year ahead, practice simple gratitude so you feel fortunate  and then make thoughtful requests. Even little kids can grasp these concepts. For instance, I asked my kids to tell me their favorite gift they have ever received from the man in the red suit (they had ready answers – a drum and a baby doll) and  then I asked how they feel when they give gifts to people they love (really good!).

Use this as a template to get you started!

Deirdre’s New Twist on a Christmas List

1. Three things I feel proud of accomplishing this past year are (i.e. I learned to tie my shoes or I can now shoot a basket):

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

2.  Three things I hope to get better at next year are (i.e. I want to earn an A in English or I want to be able to ride my bike without training wheels):

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

3. Three things I feel grateful for in my life are (i.e. my loving Mom and Dad or lollipops):

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

4. Three things I hope Santa brings me on Christmas are (i.e. a model train or an iTunes gift card):

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

I hope this new twist on a Christmas list gives you some ideas about how to sprinkle a little positive reflection into this holiday season of joyful celebration. Use this tool to give yourself and your family the gift of inner peace this season as the world surrounds you with exuberant outer expressions of color, light and sound. Blessing to you and to all a good night!

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I have been blessed in this last month with several long visits with old and dear friends from New York City, Los Angeles and Dublin, Ireland. Being with people who I have known since I was young is so refreshing and rejuvenating for me. These visits were a great primer for entering the holiday season with a deep sense of gratitude for how fortunate I have been in life – with relationships, resources, opportunities and health.

This past Sunday I attended my Unitarian Universalist church and our minister charged us with a unique and wonderful holiday task: to be satisfied. She encouraged us to savor whatever it is we are experiencing at the moment. It is a beautiful idea and I share it with you today. What is is that you love about Thanksgiving? Is it time with loved ones? A favorite traditional dish? Relaxing in front of a football game on television or maybe going out to run a bright and early 5K with 1200 other Turkey Trot enthusiasts?

Whatever it is that you relish (pun intended) I encourage to first be aware of it so that the item, event or opportunity does not slip through your fingers and second, savor it. For me, it the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I grew up watching the parade, in fact, for years I thought it was called the “Macy’s Day Parade” ( : Now I watch it with my children as the house fills with tempting aroma of roasting turkey. I don’t need to watch the entirety of it but I do make sure I dedicate some time along with a cup of hot coffee and enjoy some of the marching band formations and holiday singers with my little ones.

My dear friend Vera sent me this link to a wonderful article from the New York Times about the myriad benefits of gratitude – take a look, you might be pleasantly surprised.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/22/science/a-serving-of-gratitude-brings-healthy-dividends.html?_r=1

Thank you Vera!

And thank all of you for being a part of my life. I hope you have a joyous and highly satisfying Thanksgiving.

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I am looking forward to meeting all the great folks at Gibson’s Bookstore tomorrow night (11/9/11) in Concord, NH. I’ll be reading and signing books starting at 7pm. This event is free and open to the public. Come join us!

Signing books at the American Heart Association Go Red for Women Annual Luncheon

I had a wonderful time at the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women Annual Luncheon last week in Manchester, NH. Did you know heart attack symptoms are completely different in women than men? Get educated and tell five women you love! There were over 300 heart-healthy woman in attendance. See more pictures on Facebook!

I also enjoyed joining Kiva Leatherman recently on A Woman’s Worth talk radio. To listen to the live radio interview click here.

Last but certainly not least – please join me on Thursday, Dec. 8th from 1-2:30pm for a live Webinar called Happy U. This dynamic, 90 minute seminar will help you build personal happiness into your schedule again – just in time before the holiday rush! You will regain control over your two most valuable resources: your time and your energy and start enjoying more of this one, wild & precious life we all share. During this unique and powerful live event you will determine, design and create space for more of what you want from your life – starting immediately. You will complete thought-provoking exercises, hear real life stories & engage in practical strategy discussions all while learning about compelling medical research to keep you motivated. Sponsored by: VIP Personal Coaching, The Wise Women Network & A Woman’s Worth Talk Radio. Register today for only $37 by Phone: (207) 439-4280 / (603) 978-6344 or Email: deirdre@vip-coaching.com / kiva@wisewomennetwork.com.

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You can also read this article in the Foster’s Daily Democrat newspaper:

http://www.fosters.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110904/GJBUSINESS_01/709049942

Did you change life after 9/11?

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Dan Siegel, a neuro-psychiatrist and author of “The Mindful Brain,” states that meditation, particularly mindfulness meditation, has the power to change brain chemistry. Changes include greater emotional balance, improved cardiac and immune functioning, and greater attunement to life in the present. In addition, daily meditation has been shown to increase the neuronal fibers in the corpus callosum, the area of the brain that connects the right and left hemispheres. Read the full article

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I love radio! If you do to, I hope you’ll keep yours turned on this week. Tune in to WOKQ 97.5FM, WSHK 105.3/102.1FM and WPKQ 103.7 FM to hear me doing a public service announcement I just recorded for the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women Tea taking place next week in Portsmouth, NH. It will be running on all four stations 24/7 through next Tuesday. Click here twice to hear it: American Heart Association Go Red Tea 0801 091411 MW

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My little 5 year old son starts his first day of school tomorrow, September 8th in this very classroom. It’s been a date branded on my mind since June since he’s my first to go.  Technically, we (he and I) are ready. He has his new clothes, his Sponge Bob lunch box and Spider Man backpack. But am I, really? And is he? How can we ever be ready for big changes in life? We can’t.  We just have to prepare the best we can and take the leap. It’s a big lesson – and one my little son is learning tomorrow morning.

He told me yesterday he is nervous about starting school and I responded that everyone is nervous on their first day of something new and it’s okay to feel nervous. I also told him it was okay to be both nervous and excited at the same time.   He liked that option.  I think as humans we somehow expect to be exempt from nervousness, anxiety and worry and criticize ourselves when we feel them.  Yet these are just a few in the wide range of normal emotions that come and go for all of us.  There is no blame in that. We must learn to be kinder to ourselves.

I use preparedness (perhaps over preparedness!) to assuage my worry and allow myself to keep taking action.

What big changes are you preparing for this September?

Accept and honor any anxiety you feel, go gently with yourself and always, always continue to take action in pursuit of your goals.

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Join me on Thursday, September 1st at 7pm for a mini-seminar and book signing of You Only Live Once: Create the Life You Want. This event is free and open to the public! For more information go to http://toadstool.indiebound.com/event

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I will be at RiverRun Bookstore on Congress Street in downtown Portsmouth reading from and signing books this Wednesday evening at 7pm.

I’d love to see you there!

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